How I Used Heartbreak to Find Love

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"The first year or so was great, but like every relationship that is bad for you there does become a time when it starts to turn sour and I eventually began to realise maybe we weren’t right for each other after all."

Words by Jess Morcom

When considering which topic I wanted to write about, I felt like this is something that almost everyone has experienced in their lives – and if not, well you are extremely lucky. Like most of the country for the last two months I have been sat in front of my TV screen for 9pm waiting for Love Island to start, and this year in particular, I feel like I have been able to relate to some of what has been going on in the villa. Yes, I know, being able to relate to someone on a reality TV show which is one of the most distorted forms of “reality” possible but honestly, some of the scenes that have aired in recent weeks did touch a nerve with me.

We have seen on multiple occasions in the past few weeks how the girls have seemed happy coupled up with a guy, then suddenly he has “jumped ship”/someone else has caught his eye and the girls have been left feeling like they aren’t good enough. It reminded me how many times I have felt like this in the past, and how many times I allowed someone of the male species to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I have had a few boyfriends throughout my life since I was about 16 but none really lasted more than a couple of months. And I mean, when you’re that young and then you look back you feel like they weren’t even “proper” anyway. I would say I met my first ‘proper’ boyfriend in 2014, during fresher’s week at uni. He was from my area and by the end of the week it was sort of set that we were definitely an item. As time passed we became inseparable and spent every minute we could together. The first year or so was great, but like every relationship that is bad for you there does become a time when it starts to turn sour and I eventually began to realise maybe we weren’t right for each other after all. The disagreements became more frequent and we started to find out more things about each other that we disliked.

When things start to go wrong with someone you think you are in love with at the time it can be devastating, to give them your all and it not be enough for things to have worked out. I was still pretty young but at the time you feel like you are lost. I remember with him I knew it was over before it was really over because I spent more time upset than I did happy, but that didn’t stop the break up from being really messy. Lots of things happened and he betrayed my trust and loyalties a lot, something that at the time devastated me. I wasn’t myself for weeks, replaying the same thing over and over again wondering what I did wrong and wanting more than ever for things to have reminded a few months. We had almost been together for two years when we eventually finished so I couldn’t even remember what life was like without him. The thought of living without the one person you think knows you best is horrible. But then, as time went by I started to realise that it was all a blessing in disguise.

I spent a year single then, in total. Definitely came across my fair share of “f*ckboys” in that time (I could relate massively to the Rosie/Adam situation in the villa more than once during my time single).  I think I was so scared to be on my own and so used to being in a relationship that straight away I was looking for someone to replace my last boyfriend, but obviously it was not that simple. Every time I was about to start liking someone they showed me another reason not to and those that did want to take me out on dates I just wasn’t feeling it with. I had no luck with dating sites/all the guys I met on nights out only wanted one thing, so in the end I just gave up because I didn’t want to be disappointed again.

The thought of living without the one person you think knows you best is horrible. But then, as time went by I started to realise that it was all a blessing in disguise.

It was only when I completely stopped looking that my current partner came along. I already knew of him through mutual friends but just never thought that we would end up together. He found me at exactly the right time and I knew straight away that he wasn’t like the others. He started to put real effort in with me straight away and never once made me feel like I had to compete with another girl for his attention. It was then that I started to become thankful for every bad relationship and “heartbreak” as they taught me exactly what I wanted and how I deserved to be treated. As we became closer I realised that this was it. We have now been together a while and live together and I am so thankful that I have found someone I trust with my life. There are far less arguments, and when they do happen we let each other say our piece and then move on from it. In the past I have been constantly paranoid due to lack of trust but the paranoia completely goes when you meet the right person. Things are a lot more simple now, something I never thought would happen when it came to my love life!

So, if you’re feeling like you’re with the wrong person but you’re scared to leave, don’t be. If you think you deserve to be treated better than how you’re currently being, then you more than likely do. If you’ve had your heart broken, let it be a lesson to you.  And if you’re single and thinking you’ll never find anyone that wants to chase you, stop looking and they will come to you, and when they do you’ll instantly know – I’m sure of it!