Women Are Not Baby Making Machines

Nadja Ellinger.jpg

If I die in 10 years and I don't have a successful career I would be disappointed to say the least. If I don't have children in 10 years, I'll be fine.

Words by Selena Arroyo

Image by Nadja Ellinger


I was recently watching a Kathleen Lights’ “Trying To Like...Be a Mom For a Day" video and immediately I found inspiration to discuss this topic. I usually don't click on these types of videos, but I found it an interesting premise since it’s widely known that Kathleen has always openly spoken about not having children.  Towards the end of the video she explained that her followers and family members are always asking her "when are you having children?". You can see throughout the video that she struggled and towards the end she confirmed that she still wouldn’t want to start a family. That's when I got upset, seeing her become so overwhelmed by trying to explain that she doesn't want children really got to me.

 Women DO NOT HAVE TO WANT, LIKE, OR HAVE CHILDREN.

It doesn't make us any less of a woman to not have them, and while I'm on a roll, marriage either. There are couples that have been together for 10+ years and they're happier than couples who are married for five and there are even people with children who are miserable, because believe it or not, children aren’t a happiness guarantee.

 The amount of times I've been dismissed because I mention that for me, children are not a necessity in life, is ridiculous. Sorry not sorry, but if I die in 10 years and I don't have a successful career I would be disappointed to say the least. If I don't have children in 10 years, I'll be fine. I never grew up thinking about having children or marriage, but I always knew what career I wanted to pursue. Some of us don't want children and that's OK. I don't believe that women were created simply to bear children, we were created to do whatever the fuck we want. If I want to be a successful brand manager, living in a mansion, with no kids then that's OK; if somebody else wants to be a stay at home mum, living in the countryside, with 5 kids that's OK too!

believe it or not, children aren’t a happiness guarantee.

 Personally, what affects me, and I’m sure many other women, is the PERSISTENCE that some people have in questioning our decisions and mind sets. No, you are not going to make me change my opinion about a topic that would change my whole life. I'm not against children, I just don’t want them. After nannying/babysitting for the past 3 years as a side gig to my studies I can confirm that even the cutest baby is a handful. People love to brag about how easy it is because they babysat their baby cousin for an hour. Have you tried 8+ hours? How about for a couple days? It's not easy at all and if someone tells you it is, they're lying. Either that or they have a nanny.

To be frank, people really need to get their heads out of their assess and mind their business. Some women don’t want to be mothers and that's OK!  I kindly (bar the first sentence of this paragraph) request everyone making those comments to stop unless they plan on moving in and being my co-parent to the baby they so desperately want me to have.